Today’s edition is a classic one, including recommended resources and what’s been going on in my universe. Enjoy today's breather issue!

I've noticed something cool happening over the last few years -

my inner critic has gotten reeeeeal quiet.

Like, so quiet, I sometimes get worried about her lol.

She really only shows up very rarely and even then I barely notice her.

Now you have to know that this inner critic of mine was rough. And mean.

She would cripple me with perfectionism and beat me up hard when I made the tiniest mistake in front of other people. She would compare me to other people, second-guess me, minimize my accomplishments and "should" me all day long.

(Sounds familiar?)

But all that has dialed down a lot or even stopped completely.

I make mistakes and move on. I can comfortably embrace being imperfect. I'm grounded in my own being. And - my mind is just chill 98% of time!

So what changed?

It turns out, there's a fascinating bidirectional relationship between a dysregulated nervous system and the inner critic:

They essentially fuel each other in a feedback loop.

Let me explain:

When your nervous system is in a state of chronic stress or hypervigilance (sympathetic activation), your brain prioritizes threat detection.

The inner critic becomes louder because your system interprets its harsh voice as "protective" - trying to keep you safe from potential rejection, failure, or danger.

From a survival perspective, self-criticism can feel like protection against external criticism.

In dorsal vagal shutdown (the freeze/collapse state), the inner critic often shifts to hopelessness and self-abandonment: "What's the point? I'm fundamentally broken." This state makes it nearly impossible to access self-compassion or perspective.

As you might imagine, these patterns often originate in childhood:

If you experienced criticism, unpredictability, or emotional neglect, your nervous system learned that hypervigilance and self-monitoring were survival tools.

The inner critic essentially internalized the critical voice to try to control the uncontrollable.

But - when your nervous system feels safer, the inner critic naturally quiets. AND when you relate differently to self-critical thoughts, your nervous system can downregulate.

What an intelligent mechanism.

So the big question with all our patterns is always:

"What's it good for?"

The inner critic is a survival strategy - and all survival strategies serve a purpose. We develop them to cope when our needs aren't met or we feel overwhelmed.

And the good news is - the more your nervous system returns to balance, the more your mind calms down, the more compassionate you can be with yourself, the more your inner critic and negative thoughts will quieten.

Which means there's a way through this. And it starts with understanding that your inner critic isn't your enemy - she's just trying to keep you safe.

👀 Recommended Resources 👀

🎥 Video Podcast

​Attachment and the Core Dilemma​

We basically all carry attachment wounding and one of the most effective modalities to work with it is NARM (which I'm also partly trained in). It reframes trauma healing from fixing symptoms to restoring connection through present‑moment, non‑pathologizing work that integrates agency and completes unresolved emotions. This is a great conversation with the founder Laurence Heller.

📰 Essay

​How slow breathing calms down your brain​

This short essay discusses a recent study published in Scientific Reports that demonstrates how slow breathing reduces both subjective feelings of anxiety and corresponding brain activity. The research provides concrete neurological evidence that slow breathing can meaningfully counter anxiety's amplifying effects on difficult experiences.

☕️ Product

​Join the decaf revolution​

I’m on a mission to make quitting caffeine and switching to decaf cool. It literally changed my life (and many of my clients and students). Here is a video where I share my story and the issue with caffeine.

I found this awesome decaf initiative and online shop, which I wish we had in Europe as well. In the meantime, I’ll stick to my favorite decaf beans from a roaster in Lisbon.

📖 Book

​The Way of the Psychonaut​

This is probably one of the most important books ever written about the human psyche and the spiritual quest. It takes you on a journey through the worlds of psychology and psychotherapy, Holotropic Breathwork, maps of the psyche, birth, sex, and death, psychospiritual rebirth, the roots of trauma, spiritual emergency and transpersonal experiences, karma and reincarnation, higher creativity, great art, and archetypes. Stan Groff’s depth of knowledge and experience is absolutely astonishing (he is the creator of Holotropic Breathwork and approaching his mid-90s).

🎥 Video

​How to End 60.000 Negative Thoughts a Day​

Related to my essay topic above - in this video, Joe Hudson shares immediate stress-calming tools, while also warning that constant downregulation can become avoidance that leaves root causes untouched. He then introduces a five‑minute exercise to explore the deeper issues beneath.

🪐 What's Happening in My Universe 🪐

• ☀️ My summer turned out very different to what we had planned, which was a great exercise in surrender :)
• 🫁 We're expanding our Breathwork teacher training business Intesoma in all directions. It's exciting and overwhelming at the same time lol
• 📱 I have been experimenting a lot over on my Instagram these past few months. I'm still not sure if I want to keep it as my main channel or focus more on YouTube, which I personally prefer.
• 📖 I read Liz Gilbert's new book and shed a few tears.
• 🎾 Currently watching a lot of this.
• 🎓 Signed up to a 6-month practitioner training program in Coherence Therapy and AEDP with the wonderful psychologist Tori Olds.

I always love hearing from you, just hit reply and say hi and let me know what you enjoyed the most in this week's newsletter edition!

What resonated most? Where are you in your journey?

Keep breathing, keep feeling, stay awesome!

With warmth and care,

Conni. 🐋

PS:

After taking a summer break from teaching my weekly and monthly Breathwork sessions, I still haven't decided how to proceed with them. I do miss them a lot, but my time capacities are pretty limited currently. I'm going to see how things look towards the end of October. Stay tuned for updates.

Here is how I can support you further:

→ 🫁 Breathwork + Nervous System Foundations Course​

Learn how to regulate and rewire your nervous system. Access more calm, energy and focus by using the power of the breath. It will teach you how to properly and safely use the remote control (aka your breath) for your nervous system. Get it here. ​

→ 🎓 12-Month / 500-Hour Intesoma Breathwork Teacher Training (🇩🇪🇨🇭🇦🇹)

If you are passionate about the breath and feel the calling to share it with the world, learn to become a breath coach and nervous system specialist. Applications for our 2024 training are open.

→ 👥 1:1 Somatic Inner Work Mentoring (waitlist)

Heal old wounds, integrate unprocessed traumas and feel stored emotions that may have been holding you back from living the life you truly want. Together, we will get you out of your head and into your body.

--

Conni Biesalski

Somatic Trauma & Attachment Healing Therapist (Somatic Experiencing©️ & NARM)
Nervous System Specialist
Breathwork Facilitator & Meditation Teacher
Pain Reprocessing Therapist
Co-Founder Intesoma©️ Breathwork Teacher Training​

“Regulate your nervous system, process your emotions, and come home to your body.”